This month I planned to be the month I was going to concentrate on my physical health. I was going to exercise most days, get every nutrient I needed and wake up earlier. And at the start of the month that’s exactly what I did. But a few days in it was my mental health that took centre stage. I had a massive panic attack over a job I almost landed, which made me begin to think (way too much) about what I hadn’t done/achieved yet in life and had me starting to do the worst thing possible, compare my life and myself as a person
to others. There we’re even some moments I generally wished I was someone different, and that’s the scariest thing of all.

I suddenly felt the saddest and most anxious I’d felt in years. It quite honestly is taking over my life. I currently wake up most mornings with uncontrollable butterflies in my stomach and often they stay there throughout the day. My mind is constantly ticking away with negative and damaging thoughts, and I’m finding it very difficult to stop them. I’m not enjoying the things I did not long ago (reading, going for walks, cooking, take photos etc), and I just feel extremely unmotivated.

I’d been wanting to write this blog post for a few weeks, but couldn’t find the energy or need to do it. But this Saturday morning I am writing this for a number of reasons. First and foremost as a way to vent, secondly to encourage me not to be embarrassed about my issues and thirdly to maybe, in some strange way help someone else.

After going on a mental health plan I started seeing a psychologist. And it is looking like it’s going to help (I’m only one session in). It’s so important to talk to people about what’s happening to you. Whether it’s your family, friends, or a trained professional: being honest about your struggles is the best thing you can do, no matter how hard it is.

It could be a long ride before I feel better but all I can do is try, because I don’t want anxiety or sadness to get in the way of me living my life, and growing into the person I’m
meant to be.

If anyone reading this is going through a tough time, remember there are people who are here to listen to you. If there’s nobody in your life you feel comfortable talking to, call phone services:
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Lifeline 13 11 14


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